Have you ever been in love? Like, truly fell in love? Not just a fling, a crush but really in love? Where every fiber of you wanted him/her to be on your side, always? Where you can’t explain what you really feel when you’re with him/her? Where all you could do is stare at that person and everything is just perfect?
I’ve been there and it was amazing. But that moment only lasted like a minute. I’ve been on that situation and it was a roller coaster ride. I fell in love real quick and got my heart broken quickly too.
This happened like, 3 months ago.
We were both turning 25 when we first met. He was a trainee at work and I was under probation. You see, the trainees were being separated at the work floor. So one of the management asked me if I could show the trainees what I do as a Virtual assistant.
So, I agreed and went inside the room where the trainees are. I introduced myself and asked for their names one by one. And there, I saw him. He caught my attention because he has this big round eyes and white or more like pale skin. I even thought he was gay because of his well maintained and clean demeanor. But he wasn’t. After the introduction, I proceed to my discussion. His eyes were all on me. Like he’s really listening to what I’m saying. After the discussion, I thanked them and left the room.
As days goes by, I didn’ t get to interact with them because they were being isolated on the training room. But everytime he went outside the area—just to tell our tech that they were having trouble on the internet connection, my eyes always follows him. And of course, I was cautious of my actions.
And then one day, he started talking to me. He called my name first. He said “Hi” and I was shock and I just smiled back. I wasn’t expecting that. After our first encounter, he was always the one who smiled at me. There’s this one time that he was already inside the training room and he saw me walked past the room. He ran towards the door just to greet me. And of course, I responded back. That was the beginning. His “Hi”
And then, he added me on Facebook. After I accepted his friend request, he immediately chatted me. So, as a friend and a co—worker, I chatted back. I was playing with him, replying sweet words and just random topics. I was enjoying his company on chat. And then, our company held a team building on a beach. Before the night of our team building, we chatted and planned that we will go to the venue together. So he got my number.
We did go together as planned. And that’s where I got suspicious of his actions towards me. Its like, he’s giving me hints. I didn’t mind it of course. I don’t want to assume. On the team building, he was always close to me and he was being a gentleman. The first best thing was, he made me wear his cap. That was my first hint that he has something towards me. I read a lot of fictional romance books and maybe that’s where I got the idea. Because of all the people, he made me wear his cap. He could give it to his friend, or to our other colleagues but nope, he gave it to me for me to keep it “safe”
After that, we have this activity where you’re blind folded and will cross obstacles by listening to the instructions that your leader gives. When it was my turn, my knee got scraped from crawling on the ground. After the activity, he came to me and said “Are you okay?” —asking about my scraped knee. And I told him that just need some band-aid on this. So we talked and talked about things. About his tattoo.
About his family. About his past. After that, I asked him if he could join me for a swim. He agreed. I got dressed on my swimming attire and went inside the pool with him and with our other co-workers. We swam, played on the pool. He also tied my hair into a bun and said that I looked beautiful 😳🙄🙄
After we swam, we have our dinner─the whole company was there and we were preparing for one of our Manager’s birthday. We were at the back, preparing for the surprise when he told me that he has a band-aid (for my scraped knee) I was shocked because he remembered. He was even the one who put the band-aid in my knee. I was melting because in my head, its the sweetest thing a guy could do. I am a hopeless romantic, after all 😅
Another hint! After that, we just enjoyed the party. And when its time to go home the next day, we were also together. His cap was still on me and I wore it til we parted.
To cut this short, he texted me after our team building and we texted everyday. Until he said that he likes me. I accepted him as my suitor and we got out on dates, watched movies, held hands, gave me a kiss on my forehead, on my cheeks, on my temple and on my hand. I didn’t gave my first kiss on the lips to him because, I can feel that it wasn’t the time yet. I didn’t even kissed him on his cheeks. He was making all the moves. I was observing him and I have planned out my own time on reacting to his actions. And then, he told me he love me. I was shocked and told him thank you. He said that it’s okay not to answer yet because he knows that I’m not ready to respond yet. But the truth was, I was falling for him. I didn’t just told him yet.
But, it was cut short. A month before my birthday, everything crumbled. I got jealous, he got mad. He didn’t gave me the security I want from him. A security that there’s no need to be jealous. I got angry, and told him to stop. I don’t deserve to be treated like this. I’m hurting everytime I saw him being with that Girl. I told him that I already love him and he didn’t gave importance to it. It hurt me.
All he did was argue and argue and all he think was his self. He said to me that there’s nothing wrong with running away from something that hurts you. And that was the most bullshit thing I ever heard. He wants to be in a relationship but can’t handle a problem. And he once told me that everytime a problem occurs, he runs away. I can’t be with someone who only thinks about himself. What will happened if a big problem will occur? Will he just ran away and left me?
Before my decision on stopping his courtship, I was in major pain. I cried for two days because part of me wanted him to stay and the other part of me wanted him gone. So I battled with myself until the decision has been made.
He was toxic to be with. So I let him go.
I may love him but I love myself more to be with a toxic relationship.
I am now in a moving on stage. I want to forget him. I want to forget the pain he had caused. I was bitter at first but then, there’s no point of being bitter so I slowly let go of the bitterness in my heart.
I have to admit, he made me happy even just for a little while. And I also thanked him for giving me this experience. The experience of what to feel like on a date, or just having someone by your side.
And that was it. From being in love to broken real quick 💔
talk about feelings 